Rate How Closely Each Question Describes Your Marriage or Long-Term Relationship
1-Not at All Like Us
2-Not Much Like Us
3-Somewhat Like Us
4-Very Much Like Us
1. I often expect my spouse to pick me up when I'm down and make me feel better, and I try to do the same for him/her; otherwise I feel cheated.
2. My spouse and I are truly "one"; sometimes I don't know the difference between what he/she feels and what I feel.
3. For fun, we sometimes dress in the same color and style of shirts or other apparel when we go out together.
4. My spouse is fully responsible for his/her own growth and development and the same goes for me; that's the purpose of our marriage.
5. My spouse and I have different friends and each of us does many activities for fun that don't include the other.
6. My spouse is my only source of love and comfort.
7. When my spouse and I are together we complete each other.
8. I challenge my spouse to become greater and deal with the uncomfortable personal issues he/she comes up against, and I expect the same from him/her.
9. If my spouse is away and something upsetting happens, I won't handle it until I can speak with him/her.
Scoring:
Add the total of questions 1, 7, and 9: A score of 8-12 indicates that you may have an "A" marriage, one where you and your spouse are leaning on one another. The higher the score the more likely you have this kind of marriage. An "A" marriage usually works for a while, but it will probably cause problems later. You will continue looking to the other person to give you what you feel you lack and your expectations will cause disruptions in your marriage.
Add the total of questions 2, 3 and 6: A score of 8-12 indicates that you may have an "I" marriage, one where you and your spouse are merged, perhaps becoming too close to each other. The higher the score the more likely you have this kind of marriage. An "I" marriage may become a problem because one or both of you will eventually feel smothered and want to find your own way in life, without having to take care of the other person.
Add the total of questions 4, 5, and 8: A score of 8-12 indicates that you may have an "H" marriage, one where you and your spouse are separate individuals, engaged in your own growth and development with the help of your spouse. The higher the score the more likely you have this kind of marriage. An "H" marriage has an excellent chance to last, assuming you stay lovingly connected. Be careful not to make the "H" too wide; that kind of marriage becomes too business-like and the love dissipates quickly.
A score of 7 in any of the three categories of marriage ("A", "I", "H") indicates that you may exhibit some aspects of that type of marriage.
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