“Daddy, will you come and play the farmer and the mouse game
with us?” my daughter called to me. My heart sank. This was
about the last thing I wanted to do right now. I was
bone-tired, had a million other things to do, and just
didn’t feel very “playful.” But, I did manage to give myself
a fair-sized dose of guilt
“Sure,” I heard myself say. “Let me just finish the dishes
and I’ll be right there.” I had a few moments to get myself
ready to play.
What makes playing with kids so hard at times?
One of the things we struggle with is allowing ourselves to
follow the rules and agenda of our kids. Especially when
we’re tired. We’d much rather dictate the rules ourselves.
But if you consider it, why wouldn’t they want to make the
rules? My kids, like most other kids, spend much of their
life following the rules of others. Whether they’re at home,
school, or at team practices or lessons, they’re expected to
follow the rules. And they’re expected to do this virtually
every day. My job as an effective parent is to occasionally
play with my kids. And when I do, my job is to follow their
rules and agenda.
So, if it’s so difficult for me at times to follow their
rules and agenda, how is it for them to follow mine? When we
think about how many times our kids have to follow our
rules, can we be surprised when they occasionally resist us?
When we think about how intensely they play, is it any
wonder they get upset when asked to stop their activity and
do what we ask? Can you imagine what that would be like, day
after day?
I could hear my son and daughter talking excitedly about
the rules of the game. Their excitement made perfect sense.
Finally, a chance to “call the shots!” “Dad, you’re in the
kitchen, and I’m a mouse in the cupboard in a little car
that’s driving around and making noise. You get mad because
you don’t know how to get me!”
The rational-parental side of me wanted to question the
possibility of a mouse driving a car in the cupboard. And I
knew if I questioned the “validity” of this scenario, I’d be
lessening the joy of pure play. Before long, the mice were
tormenting me again, and I was helpless to defend against
them.
So the next time your kids ask you to play, remember a
couple things. Remember how often you ask them to follow
your rules, and remember that following their agenda shows
you value them and their interests.
Most kids do their very best in following their parents’
rules. In fact, they show an amazing amount of tolerance and
patience when we ask them to comply. So, the next time they
ask us to play, we can ask ourselves a question:
Can we do as well?
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