John was a 43 year-old sales manager at a large
company. He is married and has 3 children, ages 7,
9 and 12. His wife works part-time as a nursing
assistant, and they both try to do as much as they
can to parent their children well.
John sees an increasing number of problems in his
ability to be an effective parent in the last
couple of years. All of his kids are involved in
after school activities, and his demands at work
are greater than they’ve ever been. His lack of
time with his kids bothers him greatly, but he
doesn’t dare take more time off from work. He’s
also bothered by his inability to get his kids to
listen to him, and he’s resorted to yelling and
threats as measures of discipline.
John’s family seems rushed all the time, and the
routines in the morning and at bedtime are almost
always chaotic. He often doesn’t have the energy
when he gets home from work to spend quality time
with his kids, and he feels his relationships with
them are growing more distant. In particular, he’s
struggling with his teenage daughter’s behavior.
John feels he has little in common with her at
this stage in their lives.
Welcome to the life of an American parent in the
21st century.
There are many reasons that parenting today is
more difficult than in years past. Here are a few
of them:
The typical, middle income married couple family
works 3,885 hours – that’s an increase of 247
hours, or nearly six weeks, more than their
counterparts ten years ago.
Working couples lost an average of 22 hours a
week of family and personal time between 1969 and
1999.
In the last three decades, American families are
eating 33% fewer meals together as a family.
In 1990, the American advertisers spent 100
million dollars advertising to children. In 2000,
they spent 2 billion dollars in their advertising
to children.
Alvin Toffler once said, “Parenthood remains the
greatest single preserve of the amateur.” For too
long, parents have taken on the most important job
they’ll ever have with little or no training.
Parents can’t afford to be amateurs anymore. They
must arm themselves with the knowledge, support,
and discipline needed to parent their kids
effectively. They must take responsibility for the
impact their parenting will have on their
children. And they must recognize that in today’s
culture, their kids need them to be there more
than ever.
In John’s case, hiring a coach helped him to:
Simplify the life of his family, so they could
spend more time together
Learn positive discipline skills, so the daily
routines went more smoothly and there were fewer
conflicts
Develop a plan to put in place when he got
angry, so he wouldn’t do or say something he’d
regret later
Learn how to be less judgmental with his
daughter, and to find specific ways to be more
connected with her.
Though parenthood can be extremely difficult and
challenging at times, it can also be incredibly
fulfilling and enjoyable. Most of us would never
think of starting a new career without the
information and training necessary to be
effective. Do we think our job as a parent is less
important? Effective parenting skills can be
learned by anyone who cares enough to commit to
them, and by anyone who knows how important their
parenting is to the future of their kids.
Isn’t it time for parents to reach out and get
some help for the most important job they’ll ever
have?
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