For the first nine months of my son's life, I didn't have to say no to him.
Whenever I see a parent in a store with a child it always seems like "no" is the only word the parent is able to say.
"Mommy, can I …?"
"No."
"Daddy, I want a …"
"No."
Even with only a one-word vocabulary, parents are able to communicate a lot of meaning with that one word by using different tones and inflections.
There's the "no" that means, "I don't think that would be a good idea, but I might change my mind later." This is usually followed by the "no" that means, "Now you are bugging me so let's drop the subject." Which is followed by the "no" said through clenched teeth that says, "One more word and you are getting socks for Christmas."
I realized these days were ahead of me, but I wanted to keep them away as long as possible. That day has come.
For the first nine months, my son was unable to do anything that was dangerous enough to demand the use of the word, "no". Since he couldn't move anywhere, my wife and I just never put him near anything we didn't want him to play with.
And if, by sheer determination and a pretty good use of his butt-wiggle muscles, he was able to get within arm's reach of something bad, all we had to do was pick him up and move him back to safety.
But now he is crawling - and I mean, crawling quickly.
My wife and I were so proud as he took his first few awkward steps. I had my arm around her and we smiled as we watched our son scoot across the floor.
The moment turned from sentimental to terrifying when we saw that he was headed toward the 8-foot-high bookshelves that house enough hardback novels to bury our son and still have enough left over to keep a librarian busy for several weeks.
Fortunately we stopped him before he hurt himself, but that has now turned into our job. As parents, we used to have the jobs of feeder, warm place to sleep and play toy but now all those are secondary to our roles as super heroes who snatch our son from the jaws of death (or at least a bad bruise) only to set him in another direction where he could hurt himself in a new way.
This happens, of course, because kids do not go where you want them to go - ever.
Parent: "Looky, here's a brand new toy that has lots of fun stuff for you to do."
Baby, thinking: "Naw, I think I'll go over to play with the bag of broken glass at the top of the stairs while sticking my finger in an electrical outlet."
Everyone knows about Murphy's Law, but few realized he had children and they made their own law, "Anything that your kids can do wrong, they will do wrong."
All of this new mobility wouldn't be so tough if I had not broken my ankle a few weeks ago. My wife now has to deal with two people crawling all over the house and my son is quicker than I am which makes life a little more exciting.
Of course, now we are doing all the baby-proofing things that we were told to do months ago in all of our parenting books. This means putting covers over outlets, gates at the top of the stairs and removing every piece of furniture in the house because of its potential to hurt an infant.
Even with all that done, my son manages to find new ways to put himself in peril. And since I can't catch up to him, all I can do is say, "no" in my most stern, fatherly voice.
Unfortunately, he hasn't the foggiest idea what the word means and has now interpreted it to mean, "Daddy can't stop you from doing that, so go ahead and try it."
So when my wife asks if I will watch the baby for awhile, I tell her "no". After all, she's the only other person in our house who knows the true meaning of the word.
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