Think for a moment about how a computer works. It's programmed to run specific functions and tasks. Its software determines the type of output and information it will provide, and it relies on the information or input received. When the computer receives good or accurate input, it performs well. When the computer receives inaccurate or "garbage" information, it gives back unusable, garbage information. This is known as "garbage in, garbage out," or GIGO.
Your mind is similar to computer software. The quality of the information you allow into your brain directly affects your thinking, beliefs, and behavior. What happens when you feed your mind garbage, focus on negative things, or surround yourself with negative people? What happens when you focus on violence and gossip? You probably tend to become worried, irritated, and tired. On the flip side, when you focus on the positive and productive things in your life, don't you tend to feel motivated, optimistic, and more energetic? What you focus on can affect your mood.
One of the most important things you can do to take control of your life is to eliminate things in your life that block or blur your perception of what being nice is all about. Divorce yourself from the people, beliefs, and experiences that cause you to be mean, unfeeling, and insensitive. Divorce yourself from even the subtleties of negative training.
People would love to assume that they'd never program garbage into their own minds, yet it often happens by default. By not being aware of the information you take in, you allow others to decide your programming. Maybe you allow the producers of one of those horrible, gossipy talk shows to decide what your programming will be, and since their choice for you is negative drama, that's what your mind, heart, and soul take in. Then your beliefs, your relationships, and your view of the entire planet are all about negative, hopeless drama.
If you love negative drama, you'll definitely attract dramatic, negative people who can't wait to tell you how bad their lives are, and who did what mean thing to whom.
Years ago a lovely woman who works for me would make it almost a daily ritual to tell me about all the negative drama and complaints from people at my business. She'd tell me, "This one said this, and that one said that." She truly believed she was doing me a favor by bringing me this negative information, and I think she thought it was a compliment that people would come to her with their problems and complaints.
Finally, one day I asked her, "Why are you so available for that type of information?" She looked at me with a puzzled expression, so I repeated, "Why do so many people want to dump all their negative drama onto you? Why are you available for that?" After a long conversation and a reminder about our company's very effective and positive system for expressing grievances, she finally realized she was not helping the individuals work out their problems, she was not bringing me information I could do anything with, and she was instead bringing stress and bitterness upon herself and her co-workers. This lovely woman is now no longer available for negative gossip and drama.
Have you ever had lunch with friends who had nothing to share but tragic stories they'd read in the news: "Did you hear about the guy who embezzled a million dollars from his company?" "Did you hear about that camper who got attacked by a bear?" I always want to ask them, "Do you know these people?" If the guy who lost the embezzled money or the guy who was attacked by the bear is not a member of your family, a friend, or an acquaintance, then why do you care?
Why do you want to invest so much time and energy into another person's misery? Why do you rubberneck to see accidents on the freeway? Why are gossip and dirt so interesting? Why is someone's misfortune so entertaining? Why don't simple acts of kindness inspire you? Why do stories of the good things people do bore you? When did you stop being a believer? We call it "reality TV," but why isn't niceness just as much a reality as a show like Animals Who Attack?
People are so willing to give credence and attention to negative stories, but they shrug off the positive ones. Remember the movie Oh, God! in which George Burns played the title role? God's goal was to use Jerry Landers, a simple grocery store manager played by John Denver, as his messenger to send hope to the world. God asked Jerry to contact the local newspaper and television station to deliver his message of hope, but no one believed that God had spoken to Jerry and wanted to deliver a message through him. At the end of the movie, God gave this speech in a courtroom:
What about all that hoo-ha with the devil a while ago from that movie? Nobody had any trouble believing that the devil took over and existed in a little girl. All she had to do was wet the rug, throw up some pea soup, and everybody believed. The devil you could believe, but not God? . . .
I'm not about to go around to every person in the world and say, "Look, it's me. I want to talk to you." So I picked one man-one very good man. I told him, God lives. I live. He had trouble believing, too, in the beginning. . . .
I know how hard it is in these times to have faith, but maybe if you could have the faith to start with, maybe the times would change. You could change them. Think about it. Try. And try not to hurt each other. There's been enough of that, and it really gets in the way.
If you want to be nice, you must stop giving so much power and attention to the negative, unkind "realities" of life and pay more attention to the simple, easy expressions and demonstrations of niceness.
Excerpted with permission from "Be Nice (Or Else!)," by Winn Claybaugh. Copyright 2004-2005. All rights reserved.
About Winn Claybaugh »
Winn Claybaugh, author of Be Nice (Or Else!) with foreword by CNN's Larry King, has worked in the beauty industry since 1983. He is the National Motivational Expert for John Paul Mitchell Systems and the founder of Paul Mitchell The School, with several locations throughout the U.S. Winn has helped thousands of businesses build their brands and create successful working cultures; his clients include Vidal Sassoon, the Irvine Company, Entertainment Tonight, Mattel, For Rent magazine, Structure/Limited Express, and others. In 2004, the North American Hairdressing Awards (NAHA) recognized Winn's outstanding contributions to the hair and beauty industry by naming him to their Hall of Leaders. In its November 1997 "Super Heroes" section, American Salon magazine called Winn a "mover of mountains" and "Mr. Fix-it." Winn has also served as vice president of the AIDS Relief Fund for Beauty Professionals, and he continues to pursue many fundraising projects. Visit Winn at www.BeNiceOrElse.com and sign up for the free monthly Be Nice (Or Else!) Newsletter.
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Think for a moment about how a computer works. It's programmed to run specific functions and tasks. Its software determines the type of output and information it will provide, and it relies on the information or input received. When the computer receives good or accurate input, it performs well. When the computer receives inaccurate or "garbage" information, it gives back unusable, garbage information. This is known as "garbage in, garbage out," or GIGO.