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Anniversary Present Kids came through with an interactive high tech anniversary presentation. Created on their own using powerpoint. Take a look at PDF version. It doesn't give the interactivity and presentation justice.....but hopefully my sense of PROUD comes shining through. Thanks Kids!
Arthur discusses Aspergers Syndrome I found the below clip interesting and very empathetic by the creators of the cartoon, Arthur. They have introduced a character with Aspergers Syndrome.
Want to play a Game? Chess has always intrigued D. On Saturdays when time allows we go to the library where they have an open chess club. This past Saturday the boys were excited to go and upon arriving at the library the boys scanned the room. There was 8-10 young boys (ages ranging from 7 - 14) along with 6 adults. Once a table became free, D's eyes lit up and he was ready to give it a shot. An 11 year old boy invited D to play and cautiously I watched this play out. Knowing this boy played chess often, I did not know what to expect. My concern was that D knew how to play the chess pieces but not necessarily how to protect them (the strategy behind the game).
I watched as my son played his first competitive chess match. There were many wins for him throughout the game (what glee in his eyes when he captured the bishop). But as time continued on, D was left with only his king and 3 pawns. Tears started to well in his eyes knowing defeat was upon him. I let D know he could keep playing or he could drop his king and say "good game" to his competitor. I truly expected a complete meltdown and a table to be overthrown (pieces flying everywhere). D extended his hand (grudgingly) and a lesson was learned. Withing 5 minutes, JP jumped in and played with D and life moved forward (brother against brother).
A lesson was learned that day. As another adult said to me as he watched this game play out, "It is never easy to lose, losing still hurts and we are adults". I don't like watching my kids lose. Yet today's loss felt so much like a win. A leap of faith for D to play, lose, and play again. Sounds like a winning combination to me.
Karate Kid D is a Karate Master. Well, I am not sure about the exact discipline but he is currently training in a form of Shaolin Kung Fu. Today, D completed an intensive 45 minute test and received his YELLOW BELT.
I watched the entire session while the rest of the family went shopping. Now I know why I needed to be alone. Throughout the session I continually choked up and cried. There was a sense of fatherly pride. There was a sense of shock in seeing his attention, interaction and discipline. Mostly, I was overcome with a realization of how far a road we have traveled. Today was a step forward.
We closed the day with a celebratory trip to Pizza Hut and watched the movie, "Karate Kid". David and I entwined under a blanket on the couch giggling to the instructions "wax on, wax off". During a "fight scene" I looked at D and said, "What's he doing?". D said, "He's doing my moves!".
Today was a day the student became a teacher. Well done son....well done.
Autism Clusters Good media on the development of autism clusters. Autism is more prevalent in educated white families. Lets see where this heads.
Interestingly enough, last night I pushed D on his fork using habits. He knows how to do it....but struggles to do it. Socially his eating habit looks in appropriate.
This article speaks to my greatest fears for my son....."being the last person picked in kickball"
Doug Flutie # 22 22 is my favorite number. Maybe Doug Flutie's Hail Mary pass had something to do with it? Recently coming across his autistic son's website (dougflutiejrfoundation.org) brought back memories.
We had a tumultuous couple of weeks for D - surgery, parties, lots of attention and noise - he finally seems to be in rhythm. I invited him out with me last evening and we actually had a conversation. He was engaging, open, insightful and responsive. This truly may have been THE BEST conversation we ever had in his 8 years of life. He also woke up the next morning "bright eyed and bushy tailed". It was truly a conversion. THAT is what keeps me going.
I have a lot more to learn about D and a lot to learn about autism. Can we focus more on dietary impacts? Yes Can we focus more on environmental impacts? Yes Can we do this while staying sane? Yes - with the help of friends, family and the social networks out there.
Thank you Doug Flutie. Maybe you will give me more than just # 22.
8 Years Ago Sept 11 will always have signifigance for me. My father worked at the World Trade Center. I spent time there with him "behind the sheetrock" of the Twin Towers (he worked for NY Telephone). A small piece of me was lost 8 years ago today.
It saddens me that I will never be able to take my kids to see "where Grandpa Jack worked"
As a parent, I look back 8 years ago. J was our only child. Rachel was pregnant with D. Today all 4 kids go to some sort of school program. Life moves forward. We move with it. Gaining and losing pieces as we go.
The First Time We wrapped up an adventurous summer with a trip to a Lake George Log Cabin (courtesy of the Vanda-Leary's). This was the first time J, D and JP were on a boat. We realized that as the boat was hitting full throttle. We wrapped up the evenings with campfires and smores.
My children are receiving life experiences at different times in their life than I received. I am enjoying watching them do things for the first time. The excitement, pure joy, innocence and wonder.
I am looking to bottle this formula for all of us kids (young and old) to experience again and again.
Seizing Dad and Son Moments The kids returned to school this week. J in 4th. D in 3rd and JP starting kindergarten (see photo). We celebrated the start of a new school year with a trip to Cold Stone Creamery.
After returning home, everyone came inside except D. He was dribbling a basketball outside. I listened and then watched....he was really dribbling!! He caught me standing there at the door watching him. He stopped and said, "Hey Dad, want to play?". I nearly pulled a hamstring muscle running to play with him (hey, I waited years for this moment to arrive). We each took turns dribbling and then passed the ball back and forth. I was in shock - realizing this is VERY RARE to play catch with D (read earlier post). We then played a game of 1 on 1. He laughed heartily as he repeatedly stole the ball from me.
We finished and started to walk inside, D said "Hey Dad, how about we play some baseball?". My jaw dropped. "OF COURSE!", I said (as darkness quickly approached). I pitched as D hit balls far into the night. I ran after the ball as D ran around the bases. After about 10 straight hits, I said, "OK, buddy ONE MORE". D said, "OK Dad, one more crushing homer". I like the confidence, I thought to myself. I pitched and you know what.....he crushed it!
With beads of sweat on our brow we walked arm in arm back into the house. I looked at D as he said, "Dad, that was so much fun I did not want it to end!". Starting to choke up, I composed myself quickly and said, "me too buddy, me too".
For me, the autism word hit me like a rock and the greatest fear is that those dreams would not be realized. My dreams for my children change over the years (from wanting them to be a professional baseball player to simply being happy then to back being a baseball player again)
I am learning to love and let go....and the fine art of balancing that. A healthy balance to support those dreams....whatever they may be and whatever hurdles come our way.
Let me share FOUR: 1. J needs independance as well as daddy protection.....on her terms (So, maybe i can be a little flexible with bedtime in conjunction with reading to her in my arms) 2. D needs me to love him for who he is and what he likes. (Sports IS MY THING....not HIS THING). So I will learn to love what he loves....he told me this summer he wants to do Astronomy and Chess with me. 3. JP needs exercise every day. He has a lot of energy and needs to work it off - this weekend we literally played baseball, football, basketball and soccer CONSECUTIVELY. Need to encourage his athleticism. 4. A is extremely bright. Very engaging with language and play in a group or solo. Loves to have bare feet and I suspect she will be athletic as well.
They know this time is over. Each of them wanted a BIG HUG and be placed in a HOT DOG Blanket tonight. I blessed each of them, gave them LOVE POWER and told them how much I enjoyed this time with them.
Final comment from J - "Dad, I am going to miss you when you go back to work"
You know what....I miss them already.
Tired Dad = Happy Kids Last Day of flying solo with the kids. Happenings were unexpected but with 12 more hours to go, hoping for a smooth landing :-)
Very simply, I am tired. Not so much physically. But mentally drained on keeping up on homework, drop off times, play dates, more homework, snacks, meals, who likes what food, diaper changes, wardrobe changes....basically managing it all.
Honestly - I love them more today than yesterday. It's hard to explain (unless you are a Dad) but I truly love being with them. As a Dad, I don't do that consistently (its hard to with work) so these moments (even unexpected) I am trying to step it up. There is a certain sense of guilt of not being around for every life moment....but I am coming to grips with that.
Let's see what the rest of the day has to offer...
Yesterday was filled with lots of playtime outside - we played football and baseball.
I carved out a 20 minute nap. While I enjoyed my nap, my daughter called my wife to let her know I was indeed taking a nap (busted!)
We had pizza at Big Y for dinner. Seemed successful - although I got a lot of sympathetic looks from the employees and other customers.
We watched the beginning of a movie - Night at the Museum I - while eating dessert. Kids down for sleep by 9 pm - a little later than usual :-)
We woke up bright and early by 8 am with 2 wet beds, one child who will remain nameless removed her diaper.
This morning started with a bath for 2 of the 4 kids. Then we ate Cinnamon French Toast, Apples and Juice. I got a cheer for "making the best French Toast in the world!!"
Day 2 brings along some nice weather and a planned trip to the pool at Nanna and Poppy's house.
Maybe I need some coffee?
4 Days, 4 Kids, 1 Dad I have completed 5 hours of spending 4 days with the kids......alone! (queue dramatic background music). So far we have made it through breakfast (donuts, organic waffles and fruit) and 3 spilled drinks.
I look forward to spending time with my kids. During the week I don't see them as often, so weekends are special for me. It seems every week I look to reconnect. This will be an experiment for all of us. We will try to balance fun and work (trying to get that coverage for Monday and Tuesday) and sunshine and playing and meals and naps and schoolwork. While we miss mom (she is in FL), we know she is spending 4 days getting refreshed and replenished after 40 years of life.
If you have empathy for me.....wish me the best. If you don't.....um, wish me the best anyway.
I will keep you posted on developments through facebook and twitter.
1/2 day complete....7 more 1/2 days to go.....but who's counting (smile)
Thomas the Tank Engine Helps Autistic Kids I have been thinking about autism a lot lately. I think it is because D is getting older. Concerns arise in my mind of a "tween" D and the challenges or opportunities that will bring. My heart and mind are hopeful there will continue to be progress. I know there will be pain too and I am not blind to that. But looking forward to continuing to connect with my boy.
Thomas the Tank Engine brings back memories for me. Especially memories of when D was younger and had an obsession with wheels (toy cars, trains, etc...). I suggest reading - "Thomas the Tank Engine helps autistic kids identify emotions". It's a good article & worth the read.
Joy and Pain One thing I learned about being a Dad is that each day is filled with new opportunities as well as challenges.
The Joy.... Today JP had school orientation. New school for him and for our family. He told me he loved it "ONE THOUSAND PERCENT".
This past weekend, David celebrated his first Holy Communion. During the ceremony, he read the Prayer of the Faithful in front of the entire congregation...FLAWLESSLY. There were awkward social moments (sign of peace), but overall a successful event for all of us.
The Pain... Yesterday was David's Poetry Tea at school. Each student took turns reading 2 short poems at the podium. For David...he approached the podium awkwardly. He held the podium and looked like he was going to start reading. Then he looked up at the audience (mistake) and just froze. He muttered, "this is embarassing" and completely froze. The other kids said "come on David, you can do it!" After 2 minutes, his eyes began to water. This moment was (and continues to be) extremely painful for me. I am deeply saddened by it. What hurts me the most is that in THAT MOMENT, I had NO IDEA how to help him. I can not forget the look on his face of despair, fear and anxiety. I did NOTHING. The teacher tried to comfort him while Rachel read his poems to the class to complete the poetry tea party. Everyone clapped! Folks went to eat cheese and crackers while in the corner David and my wife were crying. Within minutes, David is having crackers and fruit and interacting (in his way) with the other kids.
After school, David came home and asked "Hey Dad, want to play basketball?" We shot hoops together, we laughed and he made a basket.
It seems to be a small blip on his radar. Yet I am still sad.
I do know that I have not posted in some time. Maybe I was being complacent with his progress? This was a wake up call for me to push forward - for me and for him.
Family Math Night I bonded tonight with J. We enjoyed time at Math Night (am i a geek or what?)! Maybe it is just me - but I get VERY emotional when spending time with my daughter. There is a powerful bond between Dad and daughter. I have a lot to learn but I find being with her is good - very good for both of us.
I had a blast.....but don't trust my word ...read my guest's comments :-)
Jack O'Leary Pasta Night 22nd Annual Jack O'Leary Pasta Night was held on Saturday at St. Clare's School in the Bronx, NY. This event has been held since the year of my Dad's death in 1988. D was sick this year so I went with my mom and 2 of 4 kiddies. They had a blast since the Chaluisan girls joined us.
My kids "love pasta night". It really is a blast for kids - loud music, food, dancing, raffles. The reality is that it is all about the children. Passing the legacy of my father - a servant for family, friends, and community on to the next generations.
Maybe that is my reality? Building on the legacy of my father before me.
Fatherhood Talk I had a good talk with the kids last night. Well, at least that is my opinion. The talk centered around 2 things: 1 - Respecting yourself and others 2 - Inauguration of Barack Obama
The goal was to ensure they were being respectful to everyone but most especially their family. They are blessed to have each other and I know they love each other just by their actions. However sometimes life gets in the way. Let's see how much sticks for an 8, 7 and 4 year old.
I was pleased to know that they also watched the presidential inauguration at school. D was very expressive in letting me know about Obama and Biden. He also very clearly told me that Obama was the 44th president but the 1st African-American president. It was beautiful to hear.
In both instances, I hope they not only heard/saw but truly understand.
Fatherhood.org Not sure if you can learn fatherhood from reading (online or offline). But I am willing to give it a try. Although, I agree you can be inspired by learning tips, tricks and ideas. Fatherhood for me has been evolutionary. From thinking babies come FLYING OUT (me wearing a catchers mitt) of the womb. To currently trying to communicate with my soon to be 9 year old daughter (not the same communication as when she is 2).
I read this and wonder how my daughter feels. One quote was striking, "...her brother's diagnosis has affected every aspect of her life from the time he was born."
I guess I also wonder how I cope as a Dad.
Fatherhood Sunday I had a blast with JP. He joined me while I was a referee at 2 games. He truly enjoys watching the games - you can see the intensity in his eyes as he watches.
Afterwards we watched the Giants lose, we watched a lacrosse game, we played one on one basketball, we shared a pretzel, we had some gatorade. We finally called it a day. We spent 5 hours together.
The key was spending time together. I loved it and hopefully he did too. Nothing out of the ordinary - just time. Fatherhood.
New Year, New Words A refers to siblings as JackA, Day Day, and Ju Ju. Well, that was 2008.
2009 she has grasped full names. Oh, with complete sentences too.
Knows proper usage for Why? and What?
Full mastery on how to hold a mobile phone (and make calls).
More gray hairs are coming :-)
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