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About the Author Armin Brott bestselling books , including the recent release, Fathering Your School Age Child, have helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be - and their children need them to be. Armin has been a guest on hundreds of radio and television shows, writes a nationally syndicated column, "Ask Mr. Dad," and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland, California. Visit His Website Free MrDad.com Newsletter Signup First Name Last Name Email Buy His Book »

This article is a copyright Armin Brott, 2008

Dear Mr. Dad: I'm a new dad and I can't help but feel like my 2-week old girl hates me. it seems that no matter what I do with her-or even if I come near her-she screams and cries and flails her arms like she's trying to push me away or like she's frightened of me.

My wife, who babysat when she was young, has a lot more experience with infants than I do, and she says that I just need to spend more time our daughter. But nothing seems to work. She won't even take a bottle from me. I'm becoming more and more terrified to get near her because of how much it hurts to see her reaction towards me when I just want to play with her. Her not liking is the most heartbreaking feeling I've ever had in my life. Is she going to hate me forever?

A: What you're describing is very common, especially when the baby is being breastfed. And it's important that you not allow yourself to back off-physically or psychologically. There is absolutely no possibility that your baby hates you. At this age, she's spending most of her time sleeping. And when she's awake she's going to be an eating machine. She's far too young to have preferences. It's all about needs. Since mom smells like milk, that's what your baby is going to be most interested in.

Your wife is absolutely right: you and the baby need to spend some one-on-one time together. The ideal time to do it is right after she's been fed, when she won't be as interested in eating. Your wife should leave the room so you can be alone with your daughter (or you can pop her into the stroller and head out for a walk). Sing, read, talk, whatever. Doesn't matter what you do. The object is to get her used to you and to get you to feel more confident and comfortable with her. Once you've established a solid routine, it's okay to try giving her a bottle (expressed breast milk is best). But be sure you do it waaaaay before she gets into the frantically hungry stage. Again, make sure mom is not in the room. If she is, the baby will want her and you'll be in the same situation again.

Finally, try as hard as you cannot to take your baby's behavior personally. Research shows that babies respond to tension in the air by getting fussy and agitated. So if you're feeling skittish just being around her, it's going to be especially hard to deal with her. The calmer you are, the calmer she'll be.

I know that this is hard, but the fact that you wrote is a sure sign that you're a committed dad. You can do it.

More Questions

» Dear Mr. Dad: Six months ago, my wife and I divorced because she was having an affair. After our divorce, she remarried and my 3-year old son has become attached to her new husband, who showers him with expensive presents. I know my son loves me, but it isn't easy for me not to feel hurt by their relationship. I don't want to harm my son's relationship with his stepfather, so how can I deal with these feelings?

» Dear Mr. Dad: I'm the mother of five kids under six and I'm on the verge of divorce. The problem is that I am taking care of the kids single-handedly and my husband hardly lifts a finger. When he does, I complement him, and I never criticize the way he does things. He's a doctor and works long hours, but am I expecting too much for him to make a meal once in a while, do some laundry, or wash a few dishes? I know men see things differently than women but he seems to be a little extreme. How much help can I realistically expect?

» My fiancée and I recently had a baby. I'm thrilled with everything, but I can't help but feel like I'm taking a backseat to her parents. It's almost as if their opinions matter more than mine. Is there anything I can do or say?

» My three-year-old is a real handful at times. My wife and I have struggled to find the right approach to disciplining him. Do you have any suggestions?

» My three-year-old daughter has an imaginary friend named Maggie. She talks to her all the time, draws with her, and "reads" her favorite books to her. I even have to set an extra place at the dinner table for Maggie or my daughter won't eat. Is this okay or should I be concerned about my daughter's sanity?

» My husband recently bought a computer for our 18-month old daughter. I think he's nuts, but he says that it's never too early to get kids computer literate. Is he right or should we wait?

» My year-old child has begun to climb out of the crib at night. How do I keep her safe?

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