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Hailed by Time Magazine as "the superdad’s superdad," Armin Brott has written or co-written six critically acclaimed, groundbreaking books on fatherhood. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post, and dozens of other major publications.

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This article is a copyright Armin Brott, 2005

Q: My wife wants to have another child, but I'm not sure I'm ready. The first one keeps us so busy already that we barely have time for the both of us. What should I do?

A: For a lot of couples, the question about whether to have another child isn't really a question, it's a given. For others, though, the issue is more complicated. And most of the problems have to do with exactly what you're going through in your home: one spouse wants a second (or third) child while the other isn't nearly as excited about the prospect. Unfortunately, there's no easy solution to this problem.

The time crunch, as you mention, is a common concern of prospective second-time parents. But it's usually not the only thing they're worried about. So sit down and make a list of other factors as well. You might want to start with these:

Finances. Can you really afford to have another baby? If you answer No, does not having enough money really make a difference for you?

Your own childhood. Were you an only child or did you have brothers and sisters? How did you like growing up that way?

Ability to love more than one child. Are you worried that you won't be able to love your second child as much as the first one? While this is an incredibly common worry, the simple answer is that your capacity to love your children--no matter how many you have--is infinite.

Labor and delivery. Are you worried about putting your partner through another painful pregnancy and labor? Since she's the one going through it, leave that decision to her. Consider, though, that while being a parent is exhausting enough, trying to be a parent while you're pregnant is something altogether different. Is that OK for your partner or not?

Your firstborn. Do you have a child with a difficult temperament? If so, keep in mind that your next child's temperament may not exactly mirror your firstborn's.

When you've put your list together and had a chance to think through each of your concerns, schedule a time to talk them over with your wife. You'll probably find that even though she's more gung-ho than you are right now, she shares many of them with you.

More Questions

» My fiancée and I recently had a baby. I'm thrilled with everything, but I can't help but feel like I'm taking a backseat to her parents. It's almost as if their opinions matter more than mine. Is there anything I can do or say?
» Q: I've got a pretty flexible schedule and I'd really like to share the childcare equally with my wife. She seems so good at it, though, that I'm not sure I can ever catch up. Is there anything I can do?
» Q: I'm a stay-at-home dad, and I'm worried that my daughter will get bored at home with me and with the same toys. What do I do?
» Q: What should we do to childproof our house?
» Q: My wife wants to have another child, but I'm not sure I'm ready. The first one keeps us so busy already that we barely have time for the both of us. What should I do?
» Q: I'm a new father. I haven't had much experience with infants and I want to be involved in my daughter's care, but every time I try to pick her up, she starts to fret. How can I feel more competent?
» Q: We have a newborn and my wife and I are both exhausted. Who do you think should take care of the baby when he wakes up at 3 a.m.? Do both of us have to suffer?
» Q: I used to be the center of my wife's universe. Now that we've had a baby, I'm jealous, of all the time they spend together and I feel left out. Is this normal and how can I overcome my feelings?
» Q: Help! I'm an expectant father and something's happening to my libido.

Books for Dad

Abbeville Press The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be Details Add to Wishlist	Hachette Book Group Daddy's Girl Board Book Details Add to Wishlist	Harper Collins She's Having a Baby - and I'm Having a Breakdown Details Add to Wishlist

Abbeville Press The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year Details Add to Wishlist	Hachette Book Group The New Dad's Survival Guide Details Add to Wishlist	Random House The Joy of Fatherhood Details Add to Wishlist

Baker & Taylor Parent Savvy Details Add to Wishlist	Harper Collins She's Had a Baby - and I'm Having a Meltdown Details Add to Wishlist	Simon & Schuster Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads Details Add to Wishlist


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