Brand New Dad » Columns » Ask Armin

About the Author Armin Brott bestselling books , including the recent release, Fathering Your School Age Child, have helped millions of men around the world become the fathers they want to be - and their children need them to be. Armin has been a guest on hundreds of radio and television shows, writes a nationally syndicated column, "Ask Mr. Dad," and hosts a weekly radio show. He and his family live in Oakland, California. Visit His Website This article is a copyright Armin Brott, 2008

Q: My wife wants to have another child, but I'm not sure I'm ready. The first one keeps us so busy already that we barely have time for the both of us. What should I do? A: For a lot of couples, the question about whether to have another child isn't really a question, it's a given. For others, though, the issue is more complicated. And most of the problems have to do with exactly what you're going through in your home: one spouse wants a second (or third) child while the other isn't nearly as excited about the prospect. Unfortunately, there's no easy solution to this problem. The time crunch, as you mention, is a common concern of prospective second-time parents. But it's usually not the only thing they're worried about. So sit down and make a list of other factors as well. You might want to start with these: Finances. Can you really afford to have another baby? If you answer No, does not having enough money really make a difference for you? Your own childhood. Were you an only child or did you have brothers and sisters? How did you like growing up that way? Ability to love more than one child. Are you worried that you won't be able to love your second child as much as the first one? While this is an incredibly common worry, the simple answer is that your capacity to love your children--no matter how many you have--is infinite. Labor and delivery. Are you worried about putting your partner through another painful pregnancy and labor? Since she's the one going through it, leave that decision to her. Consider, though, that while being a parent is exhausting enough, trying to be a parent while you're pregnant is something altogether different. Is that OK for your partner or not? Your firstborn. Do you have a child with a difficult temperament? If so, keep in mind that your next child's temperament may not exactly mirror your firstborn's. When you've put your list together and had a chance to think through each of your concerns, schedule a time to talk them over with your wife. You'll probably find that even though she's more gung-ho than you are right now, she shares many of them with you.

More Questions

» About seventy percent of new mothers experience periods of mild sadness, weepiness, mood swings, sleep deprivation, loss of appetite, inability to make decisions, anger, or anxiety after the baby is born.

» Q: My son was born four months ago, and things are starting to settle down. But every time I sit down to do some extra work on the computer, I feel guilty about leaving my wife to take care of him since she's with him all day long. I try to help, but I also need to get ahead with work. What should I do?

» Dear Mr. Dad: A close friend of mine wants to have a baby but she has no interest in being in a relationship with a man. I've been telling her that her baby will be a lot better off with a father around but she says dads don't bond with kids and that having a man around the house won't have any effect on the baby. Who's right?

» Dear Mr. Dad: I'm a new dad and I can't help but feel like my 2-week old girl hates me. it seems that no matter what I do with her-or even if I come near her-she screams and cries and flails her arms like she's trying to push me away or like she's frightened of me.

» Dear Mr. Dad. My girlfriend and I are about to become parents. She wants to get married before the baby is born, but I don't really see the point. Can't unmarried parents be just as committed as married ones?

» Dear Mr. Dad: Six months ago, my wife and I divorced because she was having an affair. After our divorce, she remarried and my 3-year old son has become attached to her new husband, who showers him with expensive presents. I know my son loves me, but it isn't easy for me not to feel hurt by their relationship. I don't want to harm my son's relationship with his stepfather, so how can I deal with these feelings?

» Dear Mr. Dad: I'm the mother of five kids under six and I'm on the verge of divorce. The problem is that I am taking care of the kids single-handedly and my husband hardly lifts a finger. When he does, I complement him, and I never criticize the way he does things. He's a doctor and works long hours, but am I expecting too much for him to make a meal once in a while, do some laundry, or wash a few dishes? I know men see things differently than women but he seems to be a little extreme. How much help can I realistically expect?

» My fiancée and I recently had a baby. I'm thrilled with everything, but I can't help but feel like I'm taking a backseat to her parents. It's almost as if their opinions matter more than mine. Is there anything I can do or say?

» Q: I've got a pretty flexible schedule and I'd really like to share the childcare equally with my wife. She seems so good at it, though, that I'm not sure I can ever catch up. Is there anything I can do?

» Q: I'm a stay-at-home dad, and I'm worried that my daughter will get bored at home with me and with the same toys. What do I do?

» Q: What should we do to childproof our house?

» Q: My wife wants to have another child, but I'm not sure I'm ready. The first one keeps us so busy already that we barely have time for the both of us. What should I do?

» Q: I'm a new father. I haven't had much experience with infants and I want to be involved in my daughter's care, but every time I try to pick her up, she starts to fret. How can I feel more competent?

» Q: We have a newborn and my wife and I are both exhausted. Who do you think should take care of the baby when he wakes up at 3 a.m.? Do both of us have to suffer?

» Q: I used to be the center of my wife's universe. Now that we've had a baby, I'm jealous, of all the time they spend together and I feel left out. Is this normal and how can I overcome my feelings?

» Q: Help! I'm an expectant father and something's happening to my libido.

» My three-year-old is a real handful at times. My wife and I have struggled to find the right approach to disciplining him. Do you have any suggestions?

» My three-year-old daughter has an imaginary friend named Maggie. She talks to her all the time, draws with her, and "reads" her favorite books to her. I even have to set an extra place at the dinner table for Maggie or my daughter won't eat. Is this okay or should I be concerned about my daughter's sanity?

» My husband recently bought a computer for our 18-month old daughter. I think he's nuts, but he says that it's never too early to get kids computer literate. Is he right or should we wait?

» My year-old child has begun to climb out of the crib at night. How do I keep her safe?