Brand New Dad » Columns » Ask Armin

About the Author Hailed by Time Magazine as "the superdad’s superdad," Armin Brott has written or co-written six critically acclaimed, groundbreaking books on fatherhood. His articles have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, Newsweek, American Baby, Parenting, Child, Men’s Health, The Washington Post, and dozens of other major publications. Visit His Website Free MrDad.com Newsletter Signup First Name Last Name Email Buy His Book »

This article is a copyright Armin Brott, 2005

Q: I'm a stay-at-home dad, and I'm worried that my daughter will get bored at home with me and with the same toys. What do I do?

A: Wow, what a great question! You've really hit on an incredibly common fear-not only for dads but for stay-at-home moms too.

Rather than come up with a list of activities, the best way you can deal with your concerns is to try to think about things a little differently. First, try to remember that you're not a walking video arcade; you do not have to entertain your child during her every waking moment. Like adults, young children need down time. They're taking in a lot of new information and need some quiet periods every day to process it. If you and your child are together and she wants to spend some time playing by herself, consider yourself lucky rather than boring. If she wasn't absolutely sure she could count on you to be there in an emergency, she'd never take her eyes off you. So at least once a day set your daughter up with some Duplo or a puzzle or some other favorite toy and step back.

Second, consider expanding your definition of "entertainment." As an adult you're well aware of the difference between work and play, but to your child everything is play. And being with you, even if you're doing things you think are boring, can be tons of fun--and educational too. That trip to the grocery store, for example, provides a great opportunity for your child to learn about shapes and weights and textures; so let her rub a coconut and squeeze the Charmin and ask her what she thinks of the difference. Also keep in mind that your child wants to be like you and do the things you do. So let her help you wash the dishes after dinner or buff the car or pull weeds in the garden. Whatever you do, be sure to talk to her about every little detail of what's happening. While doing errands and chores together may not be "fun" in the traditional sense it's a wonderful way for your daughter and you to get to know each other better and to strengthen your relationship with each other. That shows her that you love her and that's one of the most important things a father can ever do.

More Questions

» My fiancée and I recently had a baby. I'm thrilled with everything, but I can't help but feel like I'm taking a backseat to her parents. It's almost as if their opinions matter more than mine. Is there anything I can do or say?

» Q: I've got a pretty flexible schedule and I'd really like to share the childcare equally with my wife. She seems so good at it, though, that I'm not sure I can ever catch up. Is there anything I can do?

» Q: I'm a stay-at-home dad, and I'm worried that my daughter will get bored at home with me and with the same toys. What do I do?

» Q: What should we do to childproof our house?

» Q: My wife wants to have another child, but I'm not sure I'm ready. The first one keeps us so busy already that we barely have time for the both of us. What should I do?

» Q: I'm a new father. I haven't had much experience with infants and I want to be involved in my daughter's care, but every time I try to pick her up, she starts to fret. How can I feel more competent?

» Q: We have a newborn and my wife and I are both exhausted. Who do you think should take care of the baby when he wakes up at 3 a.m.? Do both of us have to suffer?

» Q: I used to be the center of my wife's universe. Now that we've had a baby, I'm jealous, of all the time they spend together and I feel left out. Is this normal and how can I overcome my feelings?

» Q: Help! I'm an expectant father and something's happening to my libido.

Books for Dad

Abbeville Press The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for Dads-to-Be Details Add to Wishlist	Hachette Book Group Daddy's Girl Board Book Details Add to Wishlist	Harper Collins She's Having a Baby - and I'm Having a Breakdown Details Add to Wishlist
Abbeville Press The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year Details Add to Wishlist	Hachette Book Group The New Dad's Survival Guide Details Add to Wishlist	Random House The Joy of Fatherhood Details Add to Wishlist
Baker & Taylor Parent Savvy Details Add to Wishlist	Harper Collins She's Had a Baby - and I'm Having a Meltdown Details Add to Wishlist	Simon & Schuster Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads Details Add to Wishlist